Listening. (even when it's hard)
This week was really hard. Not kind of hard, really hard. This week was hard because I found out that there were people that I work with that don’t trust that I want the best for them. They don’t believe that I want to work with them towards something great. This week I learned that people on my very own team were afraid of me. And this broke my heart. I went home and cried. A lot.
More than anything I want to feel part of a team. I want to feel like I have people rooting for me even when I mess up. I want to wake up every day and know that I am walking into an environment where I feel appreciated and supported. Where people on my team aren’t afraid of me or uncertain of themselves or their ideas. This week I felt the farthest away from that as I have in a long time. This week things - my intentions, my relationships, my environment, my team - all just felt so broken. And I felt powerless to do anything about it. The bravest thing I did today was to listen. To listen to feedback that hurt and hurt deeply. To listen and not fight or justify why that feedback was wrong. It took a lot of courage not to become defensive. To stand up for myself and speak honestly to my good intentions that had been wildly mis-interpreted by people I care about. It was emotionally exhausting. I didn’t feel steamrolled. I just felt hurt and misunderstood